What I Know For Sure (Part One)
I recently read Oprah Winfrey’s ‘What I Know for sure’, a book that’s inspired by lessons learnt in her journey discovering the wonders and meaning of life. Greatly inspired by her insights, I got into thinking, “What are those things that I can definitely say, I know for sure?” 🤔
I have lived a great part of my young life constantly re-discovering myself, trying to always show up as the best version of myself, lest I show up as less and fail to fully utilize my God-given abilities. Through a journey of growth, determination, rich experiences and resilience, you’re about to get into the journal of a girl in her mid-20s, as she shares her convictions about what she says she knows for sure. As I share my truths, I hope you get to learn something from them too. 😊
1. Care about what people think, and you’ll always be their prisoner.
There was a guy I really liked in my teen years. I have always been a girly girl, believing in princesses and crowns and happily ever afters. This guy was my happily ever after. Everything I did in my younger years was mostly to impress him. All that work, and what did it get me? A broken heart. I learnt a lesson to always live for myself, as I’ll be explaining in the second point shortly.
From that experience, I got into my twenties more grounded. I have always lived by this one motto: It should be your greatest priority to always work on yourself, for yourself. When you work on yourself, you attract better. Work on yourself. Not for the accolades, the spotlight, or for the external pats on the back. Do it for you. Do it for what 8-yr old you wanted for you to become. Do it for what 80-yr old you would want you to look back on.
What I know for sure, is that when you start doing things for yourself and not for people, life becomes much more fulfilling.
The approval that comes from yourself is the most powerful pat on the back. You seldom go wrong if you do things aligned to your soul, spirit and from the truth of who you are.
2. Life is much better lived outside our heads.
We suffer more in our imagination than in reality.
The guy I liked in my teenhood also had a girl he liked. To make matters worse, this girl was my “friend”, and worst, we were in the same high school. I was not a performing student in high school.
She was the opposite of all I was in that season of my life: a performer, and an achiever.
Seeing her in school was a constant reminder that I was a failure. I lived in my head a lot in those days, consequently, looked down upon myself, felt worthless and like I didn’t deserve to live.
Closing on that season of my life, which holds so many untold stories that have had a part in moulding me to the person that I am today, I got into my twenties more grounded.
What I know for sure, is that there’s always somebody who will be better than you. But when God made us, he made us in unique and wonderful ways. We often fear moving forward because of past hurts and rejections. Most of us are living in too many, “What ifs.” What if I fail again? What if I get rejected by that person, that job, that company I badly want to work for?
It’s important that I note that it’s okay to have a bad day, a bad week, a bad season, a bad chapter. But it’s not okay to unpack and live there. It is your responsibility to keep going no matter what life throws at you, regardless. Even with the rejection, or the nos… what’s the worst that could happen?
I choose to look at rejection as redirection… always!
I dare you to get out of your head and go for what you want. Do you also consider the possibility of things turning out just as beautifully as you imagined?
You wouldn’t know if you don’t dare to find out.
3. 360 degree growth is attractive but rare, so choose your hard wisely.
In the dating scene, I have found that what people want often fall under these categories:
What women want in a man – Good looks, Gold, Glory, Growth
When men want in a woman – Body, Beauty, Brains, Becoming
Let me explain…
Men will often be “accepted” by women for their capacity either with gold (money), good looks/ bodies, or the glory (walking into rooms and getting people instantly drawn to them). Very few have a growth mindset. Growth could come from intellect, books, knowledge of life issues, and a consistent desire to keep learning.
On the other hand, women will be “acceptable” to men if they are highly attractive, have gorgeous bodies, and for some, brains too. Very few have the capacity to become. Becoming is similar to growth in men.
The challenge, however, is finding all in one. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and he was sharing how he was finding it hard getting a female who was beautiful, intelligent and of good character. And it got me thinking, men that also tick all the boxes are rare.
What I know for sure is that people are not perfect, but I also know for sure that the best time to choose your tribe, for example, your partner, is when you’re single. A partner will always be a reflection of who you are. It is your responsibility to know what you want, and don’t want, and by that grounding, choose your hard wisely (refer to the image below to see why I say it’s important to choose your hard wisely. Also, sorry gents, couldn’t find one explaining more about the different kinds of men!😢).
Is getting a partner who ticks all the boxes of attractiveness, intelligence and character possible? YES. However, such people are rare and when they show up, you need to ensure that you are also what they need. For example, no hard working person wants a lazy partner. If you want someone hard working, you also need to ensure you are equally hardworking.
As a gent, what Gs do you have, and what do Gs do you lack /need to work on? 🤔
As a lady, what Bs do you have, and what Bs do you lack /need to work on? 🤔
It is also important to note that you do not need to have all the Gs and Bs, but knowing where you are in those different categories can definitely put a lot of things into perspective for you.
What I know for sure, is that in relationships, people only show up to the best of their Bs and Gs. You need to get clear on what Bs and Gs are non-negotiables for you as a person, and in a significant other.
What I also know for sure, is that Growth for a man, and the capacity to Become for a woman, is the best quality for either gender to have. This is just, but my humble opinion.
4. The quality of your decisions is largely determined by the depth of your intellect.
Why did I say, that what I know for sure, is that Growth for a man, and the capacity to Become for a woman, is the best quality for either gender to have? 🤔 Because people who value growth will always consider different perspectives to make better, more imformed and empowered decisions. In my opinion, if we prioritized choosing partners who have a capacity to grow over things such as looks (even though looks are important too), there’d be less cases of divorce.
Anyway… back to the main point…
Decisions are powerful (Falkland’s Law) – When there’s no need to make a decision, don’t make a decision. The most successful people make good decisions, but they also ignore things that don’t need their attention immediately. Don’t make decisions that don’t need to be made.
I challenge us to read more, and not just books about our careers, but books that offer us different perspectives on life as well. I challenge us to interact with people who challenge our ways of thinking. Perspective, perspective, perspective!
What I know for sure, is that delayed decision making is as good as fine wine.
5. Hardships often reveal our zone of genius.
A friend recently recommended to watch the movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness.” I had no idea I had never watched a movie that could teach me so much in just 2hours of sitting!
The movie depicts the struggles of a husband and father who tries to make ends for his family meet. Life getting unbearable, the wife leaves him, leaving their young son under his care, and the harsh realities of the cruel world. Shortly after the wife leaves, Chris (role played by Will Smith) and his son are evicted from their apartment, and eventually find themselves with no place to call home. Fighting tooth and nail to make ends meet, Chris finds himself getting into what I love to call “the zone of genius”, finding creative ways to survive, multitask, handle a job as an intern, all while selling scanners before his big breakthrough.
What I know for sure, is that growth and stress go hand in hand. No great person or thing ever came to be without stress, fear, doubt, rejection, and even a little bit of crazy. Infact, if everything seems to be going smoothly for you, I invite you to re-assess your life. It means you’re in a comfort zone, and you need to get out as soon as possible. If we’re going to learn how to do new things and move to the next level of elevation, we MUST engage with things we don’t know how to do yet. You just need to find YOUR ZONE of genius.
For some of us, we know what we need to be doing, but we’re caught up in fear.
Do it afraid, no one will remember it in 5 years… TRUST!
Which of these 5 pointers resonated with you the most?
Better still, what do you know for sure?
Let me know in the comments section below!
{{CONTENT RETRIEVED FROM PREVIOUS SERA INSPIRE WEBSITE}}