Types of Friends We Should All Have
Just last month (October 2023), I got opportunities to actually use the gift of voice to talk and share on my knowledge, views and perceptions in various industries. I got to be featured by Janet Machuka on a Twitter Space where we talked about Building a Brand as a Beginner SMM, and while I got other opportunities too, this one was one of the most scariest for me. I got to be live in a Twitter Space where I spoke to 1000+ people!!!
Me being me, I over-prepared as usual…. prepared notes, slides, presentations, clickbaits to ensure I gained maximumly from the space. After all was said and done, I then informed my closest friends and even engaged some of them to give me feedback on how I spoke and places they thought I could improve. (Of course, even with all the over-preparedness, nerves definitely still kicked in. And I thought, I need to also get the opinions of my trusted friends on this so I could know if they could tell I was nervous during the entire period, or it was just a me thing).
The twitter space proceeds on fine… and I get tonnes of praise from my friends afterwards. But I’m also keen to notice… there’s this one friend who hasn’t given me her feedback. It’s late at night, I have a flight to catch the following day, I’m tired .. so I think to myself, let me just sleep. But I make a mental note to call her a day or two after.
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Two days later, I call my friend. For purposes of this blog, let us call her Sandra. And let’s just say, Sandra gave me the “harshest” feedback of all. To summarize it all, to Sandra, the way I presented myself “wasn’t giving”.😄 To this day, I recall the shocked expression I had on my face after Sandra said this. (I was standing in front of a mirror, so I definitely know😄) She goes on to give me a very detailed record of why she says this, with examples, and even suggestions of how I could have been better. And right there and then… I realize, Sandra is like this missing puzzle piece I always knew I needed in my inner circle, and I finally found her! My puzzle is complete. Sandra, in this case, is the type of friend we call a critique.
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I talk alot about having mentors for different aspects of life… be it careers, money, relationships, you name it… someone who has walked the journey ahead of you will definitely be an asset to your growth journey. I happened to listen to a podcast late last month, coupled with some YouTube Videos on friendships as I find I’ve been in a season where I’m auditing the quality of friendships I have. I happen to be a giver, and as I’m growing and scaling through the ladder of life, I am learning and unlearning through discomfort, that while many enjoy a giver friend, only a few would be willing to reciprocate the efforts just as much. And while it’s important to note that different friendships serve different purposes, it’s also important to note that you can be kind and loving to all, and still maintain boundaries. That said, here are the 4 types of friends every person should have.
🔸 🔹 Confidant 🔹🔸
This is the type of friend whom you have a safe space with – you do not have to be someone else around them and they give you room to be you. Rest assured that even your deepest secrets are safe with them, whether you’re in good terms or not. As a bonus, most people you confide in can help you elevate to your purpose in life. Such a person is often not a gossiper. When choosing a confidant in your life, ensure that this is someone you can trust to understand your purpose in life, and he/she can actually pray with and for you over the seasons of life.
🔸 🔹 Cheerleader 🔹🔸
This is a friend whom you should feel comfortable with in that no matter what happens, they will be cheering you all the way. You may not even be talking with them on a day-to-day basis but you can always trust on them to show up for you. Such friends are committed to supporting you through your journey, genuinely! They consider your win their win as well. Think about yourself…. who is that one person you know is always in your corner, showing up and supporting you unconditionally? That’s your cheerleader… take some time and thank them today.
🔸 🔹 Coach 🔹🔸
A coach is often times, a mix of a confidant, and a cheerleader. They are good at playing both roles in your life. That said, a coach can be very hard to find, but once you have them in your life, please never let go!
🔸 🔹 Critique 🔹🔸
Last but not least, let’s get back to my friend Sandra. As a critique, Sandra is definitely one who will push me to my highest potential! Critiques will never see you doing enough for all the right reasons. They are those friends who will push you completely out of your comfort zone! They do not care how good you are, they will strive to milk out the greatness in you! However, for you to accept the role of a critique friend (or mentor, as sometimes it can be hard to find friends who can openly critique you), you have to be open-minded, someone willing to be better, and not easily offended by constructive criticism.
🔸 🔹 Before 2023 Ends…🔹🔸
….I have a task for you! Sit down, think and rethink the friendships in your life. Write down a list of all the people you consider friends, and try to group your friends in these categories. Knowing where to place all the people in your life is underrated because, just as there are friends who will pray blessings over your life, there are those who will pray for your downfall as well. It is good to have as many friends as you can, however, learn to place people you’ve chosen to do life with in the right levels they should be at in your life. Not every friend is a “friend”… be wise with whom you choose to reveal what is going on in your life to!
🔸 🔹 DISCLAIMER!!! 🔹🔸
What happens if you do an audit and realize you can’t place some of your friends in the 4C’s (Confidant, Coach, Cheerleader, Critique) bracket? Do NOT rush to CUT THEM OFF!! Instead, regroup them in your life as necessary. Be keen not to destroy friendships as well, you never know where you may meet someone tomorrow. Even so, pray that God gives you the gift of discernment, that you may be able to identify and keenly give people the true status they deserve in your life. God brings people in our lives for different purposes, and trust that once their purpose is done in your life, God might also remove certain people and bring to you new ones to walk with you over your next season of life.
Stay woke, stay alert! Human beings are social beings, but the most important decision you can make early on in your life is whom you choose to surround yourself with!
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