Approaches to life we need to instil in our twenties!💡
Our school curriculum was biased based on the fact that, while it taught us so many things and glorified academically gifted children, the truth is, we grow up and realize it never mattered as much. Blame it on the changing times. I grew up knowing that education was everything and if you didn’t get it right with books, you had no future. The best our curriculum did was have a life skills lesson in high school, and again, not all may have been privileged to have this in their schools. As best as I remember, our life skills classes were mostly to talk about boys anyway. Not to say that boys weren’t/aren’t important, but I wish we were taught more on adulting, healthy living and facing life.
Growing up, there are things I’ve had to learn and unlearn. Milestones have been achieved, beautiful memories made, and wins celebrated with friends, family and loved ones. Similarly, mistakes have been made, tears have been shed and losses have been deeply felt. In my journey, here are my two cents on what I was never taught I’d need for adulting enough. The 8 aspects that were overlooked in pursuit of academic greatness, but mean the most in this world, if not everything, at least from my perspective.
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M E N T O R S
I have a friend who taught me that, to advance in life, you need these 4 types of mentors; spiritual, finance, work/career, and relationship mentors. I have found these to be true because in adulting, you are only as good as the people you choose to surround yourself with, and you can only go further by stepping on the shoulders of those who can see farther than you can. This friend went on to emphasize that these shouldn’t be online mentors either, but people you can physically have conversations with on a regular. I have not been the best at having these 4 mentors either (we can blame it on my introverted and reserved nature), but I do acknowledge the truth in this. While I do not have a mentor for all these 4 aspects, I choose to only have 1 with whom I feel free and comfortable sharing all my private details.
There is a set criterion for identifying people you can walk with as mentors, which I might tackle in a different blog post. But for now, here’s what I would advise: seek all 4 mentors, but if you sincerely feel that’s too much, at least have 1 who can guide you through most of these aspects if not all. And no, for this to be effective, a mentor shouldn’t be your mom or dad. Find someone who isn’t family.
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C A R E E R / W O R K
Ditch the CV you were taught about in your functional writing skills classes because giiirl/ boooy, it doesn’t work that way out here! If you are still applying for jobs with your high school CV, and sending it to your aunts and uncles and praying they have connections that will lead you up to success, you are doing it wrong. Here is where I shine with my online mentors, from whom I’ve learned so much about navigating the career aspect of my life. The first is Kenyan Career Coach, Joan Thuo, who shares a plethora of tips across her social media platforms and press interviews. The second is Phiona Martin, a South African Career Coach who also shares a wealth of career insights across her social media platforms. Subscribe to their YouTube Channels, and commit to learning something new everyday. When you know better, you do better.
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M O N E Y
When you start making money, and want to grow and steer your life towards an upward trajectory, you want to learn how to manage your money. Money is sweet, let no one lie to you that money can’t buy happiness. It can if well managed. The thing with money is, it gives us options. You can choose to spend, save or give. Try to form healthy money habits as now. It took me moving out of the comfort of my parents’ home to know that I can actually stay with my rent money in my mpesa account without touching even a single coin for a month. This was not the case 6 or so months ago, but within that time, I also committed to building money habits such as budgeting no matter how much little or much money I got. Budgeting allows you to be in control of your finances. Do not wait to start budgeting when you earn your first Kshs 100,000 or Kshs 1,000,000! You can budget for as little as Kshs 5,000. This way, you gradually build the habit.
You can budget no matter how young you are. Once again shining with online coaches who’ve helped me develop positive money habits, I attribute this to Coach Susan Wanjiku of The Legacy Hub KE (PS: My campus readers will want to enrol for her budgeting class as early as now, while my working class readers will want to enrol for her investment class today! The VOI shared is priceless!), and Clever Girl Finance that offers free finance courses on their website.
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T H E R A P Y
Did you know, that trauma is hidden in the body, but manifests in relationships? Before committing to therapy and prioritizing healing, I did not know either. In order to be a healthy, all-rounded person, you need to deal with your demons. Deal with past hurts. Break from unhealthy family chains and traits. Therapy is not for crazy people. It is for all people. Normalize going for therapy, even if you think you are okay. In this day and age where abnormal is considered normal, reset. Explore your roots. Find out if what you consider to be normal, is truly normal. Heal, so you do not bleed on people who do not deserve to be bled on. Heal, so you do not bleed on your future children. Most importantly, heal, for you, for your best life ever yet, and to be able to achieve what God has put you on this earth to do!
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L O V E . A N D . R E L A T I O N S H I P S
I wish someone told me early enough, that there’s a right and wrong way to tackle relationships. If relationships were as easy as movies make it out to be, we’d all live happily ever after. But in the real world, we see more and more cases of wife battering, unhappy marriages, and divorces on the rise every day. In my season of solitude, I’ve been listening a lot to Relationship Expert and Counselling Psychology Benjamin Zulu, and my perspective of dating, love, and relationships that lead to marriage has not been the same ever since. There are dos and don’ts to relationships, and how wise it would be to make it a habit to learn something new every single day! A relationship is not a playground. If anything, I’ve learned it takes work, and for others, finding the ideal partner will be equal to the same amount of effort we used to put into academics. Pursuing relationships up to and leading to finding the ideal partner requires resilience and intentional living. Few have it easy. Others, especially high achievers, (might, not always) have it rough. Know yourself.
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H E A L T H
Taking care of your health is the biggest flex. Did you know, that some people are only one disease away from bankruptcy? Think about it! For others, all it takes is one disease to affect their working capability. Health is one of the biggest threats in the world today, with diseases such as cancer, and back problems taking the lead most recently with the highest number of illnesses or death cases attributed to them. It’s taken me a personal threat to my health to realize that over and beyond going to the gym or doing home workouts for body strength, body aesthetics, or to break my personal records/ personal best, it is actually very necessary for my body. Inculcate activity into your routine. Stretch, Enrol for Gym, Take up Yoga or Swimming Classes, Go for Hikes. Most importantly, don’t forget to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep (at least 7 hours), and journal often. Journaling is good for your mental health!
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G O D – G I V E N . G I F T S
What are you doing with the gifts that God gave to you? Are you multiplying them? (Matthew 25: 14-30) Your gifts are to serve a purpose on earth. The reason why we have so many unemployed people is because we sit and expect jobs to be availed to us, instead of going out and assessing how we can use our knowledge, skills and talents to make a difference and an impact in this world! It is the people who follow their passions and use their gifts that make a difference on this earth. Go after the life you want… not the life that society wants you to have. If you want to pursue a career in modeling… go for it! Who knows? Tomorrow you might be the next Catriona Gray (the most celebrated Miss Universe of all time). Start where you are, and with what you have, and the universe will work in your favor. Trust in God to help you nurture that gift. Trust the process. Relentlessly follow your passion, let it become your obsession, and watch yourself change the world!
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W O R K / L I F E . B A L A N C E
I wish someone told us that in this life, there’s more to life than just being successful and making a good name for yourself. Beyond work, there needs to be time for God, family, friends, relationships and significant others, activity, pursuit of knowledge (eg short courses, or taking up Masters or Postgraduate Programs). As early as your early twenties, start practicing achieving a healthy balance. Determine what your priorities are, and find a way to balance them, least one gulps you whole and leaves other aspects of your life struggling. Join communities that keep you accountable. The earlier you practice work-life balance, the better it is for your future.
Dear Reader, I’m by no means perfect. Everyday is a learning day and when I fall, I’m twice motivated to get up and do better. You might be reading this and thinking of places you’ve messed up. Stand up, dust yourself and soldier on. The best thing we can do from making mistakes is learning from them and doing better. “Be gentle on yourself,” a friend is always keen to tell me. And from my friend to you, I wish to pass on that same message. Extend grace to yourself.
In this day and age, we live in the internet era where so much knowledge and information is accessible to us just by the tap of a button. How are you making use of resources around you? It is, without a doubt, very hard unlearning comfortable, unhealthy norms and replacing them with healthy, life-changing norms, but it is very necessary. Change is painful. Similarly, ignorance is painful. Choose your pain wisely. ❤️
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